Shadow — The Dog Who Saved Me First
Before Cerberus, there was Shadow — the dog who anchored me through years of chaos, tremors, addiction, and the darkest parts of my mental illness. Shadow wasn’t trained to be a service dog. He simply refused to leave my side.
He sensed my fear before I did, understood my tremors without instruction, and gave me purpose when I had none. Throughout his life, he carried responsibilities no dog should have to bear — but he never wavered. When I woke up one morning and saw Shadow was sick, my heart sank. He'd contracted pneumonia after swiming in a pond. It was sudden and severe, further complicated by old age. Shadow spent weeks in the hospital and I stayed by his side. He recovered enough to come home, but a few months later, his pnemumonia came back. This time he wasn't so lucky. Shadow passed away at the end of January, 2023 at home with my dad and me. We were devistated.
Shadow & Best Friends Animal Sanctuary
Shadow started life at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Utah. He and his littermates were rescued after a therapist stepped in to save them from being put down, and my family first adopted his brother Ashoka. Shadow was adopted a week later - I didn't realize it at the time, but the trajectory of my life changed that day.
Ten years later, my dad and I brought Shadow back to the Sanctuary for a homecoming visit. Best Friends Magazine told our story in a feature about how Shadow helped me intermittently through years of severe tremors and mental health struggles, somehow proud to be by my side, first as my friend and becoming my service dog near the end of his life.
Download the Best Friends Magazine article (PDF)4-page feature from Best Friends Magazine, July/August 2023.
The Miracle: Deep Brain Stimulation
After more than 20 years of disabling tremors, doctors performed a DBS procedure that changed everything. In less than ten seconds, the tremors that stole half my life were nearly gone.
With a signifigant reduction in my shaking, I had to face a question I never imagined I’d get to ask: “What kind of life do I want now?”
Meeting Cerberus
Cerberus didn’t just walk into my life — he walked into a place Shadow had been preparing. I didn’t know it at the time, but the moment he looked up at me with those bright eyes, something shifted inside me.
Cerberus wasn’t just a puppy. He was the bridge between who I had been, and who I was finally becoming.
Rebuilding With Purpose
My dad, my aunt Karen, my little cousins, and Cerberus gave me a second chance at having a family, a mission, and a life worth fighting for. Training Cerberus became the structure I needed. Loving him became the inspiration. Serving others through our future SAR work became the calling.
This is more than a dog story. It’s a search for community, to find out where I belong, and redemption — and the people and dogs who made it possible.